Coping with Different People
So that we don't make them difficult
Difficult people are not difficult, they are just different; we make them difficult.
- Coach Joe Gilliam
Have you ever worked with that difficult person, who just drove you and everyone around you crazy? What characteristics did they possess? Were they the type who could be set off at any time like a time bomb? Maybe they just sat there like bumps on a log and never participated. Did they whine about how much work they have?
Have you ever noticed that the person who complains about how busy they are is never as busy as those who do not complain? What is a difficult person to you? Is it the person who yells, screams and curses at you? Is it someone who is needy? What about the show off? The fact is that each of these and others are considered by many to be difficult people.
In fact you may have been considered difficult to someone at one time in the past. I know I have been on more than one occasion. So let’s break down the most common types of difficult behaviors. Note I said behaviors and not people.
The people are not difficult, it is the behavior they demonstrate that is difficult for us to cope with and work through.
Ideally we would like to offer "career redirection" advice (often referred to as firing them) or at the least we want to change their behavior. The fact is that we cannot change another person. Regardless how much we try we cannot change others. People will change behavior based on two factors alone; a need or an emotion. Have you ever had someone who is nice enough to you and then all of a sudden became friendlier towards you? Think back and determine did they have a need at that time?
I am often referred to as a “Motivational Speaker” and while my programs are inspirational and motivational, the fact remains that I cannot motivate anyone who does not want to be motivated themselves. Now the next fact is that everyone wants to be motivated and many are motivated by different facets. The ultimate secret is knowing what motivates different people. The only way to know this is to get to know the person.
Coping with what we call different people involves a lot of learning on our parts.
The Raging Bull
This is the most common and they are the ones who steam roll over others in order to get their way. How do you cope with this type of behavior?
- Allow them time to run out of gas
- Get them to sit and maintain strong eye contact
- Be assertive – not aggressive
- State your position or opinion
The Know It All
There are really two types of know it alls. First is the fake one; you know the one who acts like they know everything about everything and in realty they know very little. Cope with this behavior by:
- Asking factual questions
- Stick to the facts
- Once they acquiesce allow them to save face
The second type is the real know it all and we have all faced someone like this in the past; especially if you are new to an organization. There are plenty of those who have been around and are not afraid to let you know how much they do really know. With this behavior you will need to:
- Be 110% prepared when engaging them in conversation
- Ask open ended questions to engage in conversation
- Recognize their knowledge
- Do not let them intimidate you
The Bump on a Log
This behavior usually appears in those who respond with yes or no answers or with complete silence. This behavior can sometimes come from someone you least expect it so beware that it can appear at almost anytime from anyone. Coping with this behavior is best done by:
- Ask open ended questions and wait out the answer
- Keep your composure and wait patiently
- Observe their body language and keep eye contact
- Speak in factual objectives and state what needs to be accomplished
The Whiny Complainer
These people are the ones who like to complain about every little thing that happens. Many times they are referred to as negative and while the behavior may appear to be negative it does not have to be. It usually demonstrates low self esteem. The best way to cope here is to:
- Listen – Listen – Listen
- Acknowledge their opinion and their feelings
- Restate the facts of the conversation
- Empathize – but not too much after all that is what they are looking for
- Quickly move into the problem solving mode
The Negomanic
Like the complainer they gripe and complain incessantly. The biggest difference here is that they don’t just complain and whine, they also say things like “it won’t work” and “that’s a stupid idea” among others. Again there are different levels of being a "negomanic". To cope with most negomanics you need to:
- Remind them of past successes and be optimistic & realistic at the same time
- Be sure to talk about both sides of the issue – the positive and the negative
- If they are analytical give enough time for them to digest before requiring an action be taken
Hesitating Harry
You know the type – they cannot make a decision and it drives you insane. They are constantly looking to refine the project and are too afraid to make decisions because of past experiences. They were probably poorly reprimanded in the past for a decision and now they simply do not make decisions. Coping with this person’s behavior can be accomplished by:
- Making it easy for them to talk about their thoughts and concerns
- Listening for indirect clues
- Praise and support their decision once it is made
- Point out previous successes moving forward
These are the most common types of behaviors yet they are not the only behaviors. Some people can have an incident occur and this one seemingly insignificant incident (at least to you) causes this person to become a totally different person. That is why we must recognize the current behavior tendencies in people and act accordingly.
Contact Gregg today and see how his keynote speeches and breakout training sessions can help your company or organization.
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For web use: Copyright © 2009 Gregg Gregory
For print use: Gregg Gregory, Gregg@TeamsRock.com, (301) 564-0908
